Your wedding vows are
the basic legal foundation of the marriage ceremony.
Among other questions I am often asked when discussing
couple’s wedding ceremony plans with them is “Can we write our own wedding
vows? In fact, it is usually the bride
who asks that question where as the groom often says very quickly “how short
can they be?”
The answer to the first question is “No and Yes”!!
The Compulsory Legal Vows
The Marriage Act 1961 and Marriage Regulations 1963 from the
Attorney-General’s Department of the Australian Government (the body
responsible for marriages in Australia) states very clearly that -
“each party say to the
other, in the presence of an authorised celebrant (who is not a minister of
religion) and the witnesses, the words:
‘I call upon the
persons here present to witness that I, A.B. (or C.D.), take thee, C.D. (or
A.B.), to be my lawful wedded wife (or husband)’; or words to that effect.
These words must be
included in the ceremony. They are the
minimum words which must be exchanged by the couple to ensure that they fully
understand the nature of the ceremony and that they are marrying each other.”
Additional Vows
Once these required legal words have been said they can then be followed by
additional vows if the bride and/or groom wish. I have had couples recite
vows many different ways.
Some feel that the prescribed legal wording is all
the words they wish to exchange publicly but the majority of brides and grooms
like to add their own vows which they enjoy writing themselves or source from
the internet, books, poetry, lyrics from favourite songs, or in some cases use wording they have heard friends or other family members exchange.
Many couples use the traditional wording from some prayer
books ie “To have and to hold from this
day forward, for better, for worse, for richer, for poorer, in sickness and in
health, to love and to cherish, until death do us part. This is my solemn vow.”
(Repeated by partner)
Popular examples many of my couples have exchanged include:
"With all my heart I
take you to be my wife. To live with you and laugh with you, to stand by your
side and sleep in your arms. I truly
love you". (Repeated by partner)
And/Or "I pledge to share my
life openly with you, and to speak the truth to you in love. I promise to
honour and tenderly care for you, to cherish and encourage your own fulfillment as an individual, for the rest of my life." (Repeated by partner)
Whatever your decision the promises you exchange are the
highlight of the marriage ceremony and are in fact what makes you married.
Writing Your Vows
Take the time together, away from too many distractions, and
think carefully about what words you wish to exchange. Some couples like to write a letter to each
other and read part or the entire letter as their additional vows. When you start from scratch expect to have a few drafts before you are 100% satisfied and, don't forget you can always read them to a family member or trusted friend if you are wanting help.
Some like to keep the wording a secret from their
partner. If this is your intention a word
of warning...ensure there is nothing that would embarrass your partner or in
fact any guest or family member and this is no time for silly words or smutty
overtones!
And, by the way, the bride and groom can exchange different
vows ie you do not have to say exactly the same thing to each.
Once you have decided on the wording and have given a copy to the your celebrant rehearse your vows a number of times before the ceremony so that you are familiar with them. You can learn your vows by heart, repeat the phrases after the celebrant or read them from a piece of paper you or your celebrant holds.
Happy Wedding Planning.
©Rosemary Logan, February 2013 www.weddingcelebrantgoldcoast.com
